felinejumper (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
felinejumper) wrote2018-11-30 10:21 am
felinejumper) wrote2018-11-30 10:21 am
shared meals & "kitchen bottoms"
(cross posted from tumblr)
I got angsty about food culture and thought about That Break Up & food connections & prioritizing community building tactics that work for me, personally.
First off: “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” (will I ever stop referencing Room? no!!)
Woolf talks so much about the magic of shared meals -- albeit not the making of, h/t class dynamics -- but her golden thread of community, the art of making togetherness, is one of the reasons I’m intensely glad I’m on this extended Woolf binge. I wonder how much that class dynamic plays into this, when you have space to linger over a meal (but maybe it doesn’t so much, given that I don’t know of a single culture that doesn’t in some way prioritize welcoming guests with food and drink and hospitality). Reading her has made me newly aware of how I think of baking and cooking as gifts of effort, why potlucks are such affirmatory and joyful experiences, why I am frustrated when hosts aren’t interested in allowing me to help cook. Why I aggressively ask guests to chop onions or stem cilantro or stir the pot: the communal creation.
I also feel this was, uh...fundamental to a disconnect with [redacted], which in a lot of ways is totally unfair -- and I’m sure [redacted] would crucify me for that. But. That said, in this new era of “acknowledging all the shit I didn’t say”: it was very frustrating to find a primary gift-giving love-showing method blocked, because I knew it wouldn’t be what I wanted it to be. It couldn’t be: if someone doesn’t care about food, they don’t care about food. But also: I made this for you with my hands and my time, I made this bread for us to break, I made this thing for us to be sustained. I don’t know how else to sustain community, really. That isn’t to say [redacted] didn’t appreciate, you know, the nutritional aspects, or my time aspects, but it didn’t have the same kind of meaning. Communal meals, even a community of two, are really spiritual & emotional sustenance. Making a communal meal is sustenance of community.
I don’t like when my needs are anticipated, either (er, I like it in very specific and limited forms and from like...one person). But food and drink and shelter are such fundamentally physical needs that making the assumption that you’ll need them? It’s true. It’’s maybe the only true thing we can know about someone else. It’s the only thing that I know beyond of a shadow of a doubt that we all must do -- so fulfilling it is the only way I know I can be there for someone.
That’s why we all bring casseroles ‘round, isn’t it?
Anyway, in the spirit of learning lessons: the importance of food and making and crafting in my relationships as a way to show care. It’s important! I will not neglect it again!! I am amenable to kitchen bottoms* but not to kitchen shamers!
*"kitchen bottoms" -- a revolutionary phrase from a good egg who does not cook but does like food,
I can’t believe that the sacredness of shared meals is not well known???
Mealtime is an extremely important cultural and social ritual. There are psychological benefits for cooking for other people, and serving a meal stabilizes the emotions between the provider and the receiver. Cooking with your partner, like accomplishing any task together, strengthens relationships. Eating together strengthens communal bonds and helps with mental health. Sharing the same food with someone else builds trust, cooperation, and a sense of connectivity. It’s a shame how in our fast paced society we don’t value the importance of regularly breaking bread with one another
I got angsty about food culture and thought about That Break Up & food connections & prioritizing community building tactics that work for me, personally.
First off: “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” (will I ever stop referencing Room? no!!)
Woolf talks so much about the magic of shared meals -- albeit not the making of, h/t class dynamics -- but her golden thread of community, the art of making togetherness, is one of the reasons I’m intensely glad I’m on this extended Woolf binge. I wonder how much that class dynamic plays into this, when you have space to linger over a meal (but maybe it doesn’t so much, given that I don’t know of a single culture that doesn’t in some way prioritize welcoming guests with food and drink and hospitality). Reading her has made me newly aware of how I think of baking and cooking as gifts of effort, why potlucks are such affirmatory and joyful experiences, why I am frustrated when hosts aren’t interested in allowing me to help cook. Why I aggressively ask guests to chop onions or stem cilantro or stir the pot: the communal creation.
I also feel this was, uh...fundamental to a disconnect with [
I don’t like when my needs are anticipated, either (er, I like it in very specific and limited forms and from like...one person). But food and drink and shelter are such fundamentally physical needs that making the assumption that you’ll need them? It’s true. It’’s maybe the only true thing we can know about someone else. It’s the only thing that I know beyond of a shadow of a doubt that we all must do -- so fulfilling it is the only way I know I can be there for someone.
That’s why we all bring casseroles ‘round, isn’t it?
Anyway, in the spirit of learning lessons: the importance of food and making and crafting in my relationships as a way to show care. It’s important! I will not neglect it again!! I am amenable to kitchen bottoms* but not to kitchen shamers!
*"kitchen bottoms" -- a revolutionary phrase from a good egg who does not cook but does like food,